just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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