i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
