Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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