Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
