Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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