he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
