felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
