12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
