i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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