Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
