16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
