Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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