He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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