so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
