When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
