i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
