we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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