I wish I could teleport
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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