Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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