also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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