And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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