my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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