..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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