I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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