this beer tastes like vomit already
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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