They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
