ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
