I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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