i just had sex bonerless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
