Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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