Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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