just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we should paint friendship bongs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
