she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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