i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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