can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
