She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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