whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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