My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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