Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
