drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
