My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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