I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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