If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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