gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
