u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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