Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
