You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
