Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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