you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
