saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
