That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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