i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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