Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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