Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
