the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
