Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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