I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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