She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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