i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
