what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just invented taco cereal.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
