I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
