I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
