I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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